Two hands.

When something is hideously wrong at the very core of things on one hand while one is surrounded by great celebration and familial coming together and happiness on the other, it can be the cause of schizoid conflict and confusion.

What the hell and I talking about, you ask?  Let me explain...

I'm sitting amongst my family: beloveds, acquaintances and new folk – all gathered at Ken and Merri's, on the night before their eldest gets married, and it's truly the happiest of nights.  Impossible not to be swept up in the fun and buzz and excitement of what will be a benchmark event in our family's life.  I wish my Mum was here.  I wish Milo was here.  I wish Hec was here.  I wish Ev and the girls were here.  But instead I am here.   And I'm soaking it all up for all of them.  And it's lovely and I'm lucky.  And so glad to be the chronicler for all of them.  Tomorrow I will be going crazy with the camera (mental note to plug it in before I got to bed).

But then there's the other thing, on the other hand, occupying me simultaneously.  The great evil.  The thing that doesn't personally touch me but that's done in my name and by my country that is so despicable that I can't, I just can't believe we are so so low as to have let it happen…  Shame shame shame shame shame on us for allowing Scott Morrison to manipulate/blackmail the Senate into passing his draconian migration legislation.  Such an evil and anti-human manoeuvre.  Such a dreadful man.  Such a horrible indictment on this society and community and country to be capable of such cruel barbarity, selfishness, paranoia and shortsighted idiocy.

If I was my friend, I wouldn't want to know me any more for what this represents..

So even though I will be loving my family and celebrating the most momentous of days tomorrow, a part of me is sickened by the the society in which my family is situated because I know the materials the framework of the society is constructed from, are rotten.

And it didn't have to be that way.